Tuesday, March 6, 2012

The Secrets of a Bum by TuBeObsessed

After my many years of experience in living off ramen noodles and bologna sandwiches, I have gained some very important knowledge that I would like to share with my fans.

As you know, I'm a bum.  For those who are not familiar with the slang term "Bum" from America, the definition of this particular word "A lazy or shiftless person, especially one who seeks to live solely by the support of others."  Although I don't wish to be a bum, I am extremely good at my current job.  Here are some useful tips for all, bum or not.

  1. Panera is a great place to waste time.  If you are anything like me, you feel kind of uncomfortable sitting in a cafe or business without paying.  However, if you go to a place like Panera, where they serve cups but don't actually have waiters, you can pretend you ordered something from their cafe without spending any money.  Every morning I sneak in the back door of the Panera Bread restaurant across the street from the library while I wait for it to open.  There are these little stations where customers are to place their cups and platters when they are done.  You can simply steal a cup and platter from the station and place it next to you.  Other customers may look at you funny, but at least you will look like a regular customer to the others that didn't see you take it.  The workers will automatically assume they just didn't see you when you ordered and leave you alone. P:
  2.  Get cash back instead of using an ATM.  ATM's may charge you fees for getting cash out from your bank account, but grocery stores don't charge you extra for cash back.  If you plan on getting a bottle of water or something from the grocery store, and you need some cash in your pocket, I suggest getting cash back.
  3. Buy in bulk, almost expired goods that don't really go bad, dented canned goods or in season.  Buying in bulk is a great way to save money.  Personally, I like to buy family meals, cook them, and then split them into individual servings for later.  It is so much cheaper than buying them individually, and it actually takes about the same, or even less, cook time.  Some grocery stores will give discounts on expiring items or damaged goods in order to save money.  Be sure not to buy moldy items, though.  Lastly, please remember to buy in season.  If strawberries don't really grow abundantly January, you should probably avoid buying them in January.  The strawberries will probably taste horrible and you'll spend a lot of needless money on them.  Eat an orange instead!
  4. Walk if you are less than two miles away from your destination.  Unless you need to be at your destination at a specific time, or if you would have to walk down a sidewalk-less highway, it's best to walk to your destination if it's less than two miles away.  Although it may not seem like much money to drive there, things add up quickly.  Going on the bus can also become expensive.  You might as well get fit and save money.
  5. Go to the gym every day.  If you live less than three miles from a gym, I suggest you go there every day.  It will save you money.  Don't actually be stupid enough to sign up for a membership.  Just pack a bunch of things in your backpack, and then walk there and back.  You will save money and still lose weight.
  6. Only buy what you can carry.  People today go into a store, only buy one item, and actually think they need a cart.  You don't need a cart.  In fact, people will probably look at you crazy if you use a cart for just one item.  When you put an item into a cart, you start to think that you need to fill up the cart.  However, if you have to carry all of your items, you usually buy a lot less.
  7. One person's trash is another person's treasure.  There are so many thrift, pawn, and outlet stores that sell items very cheap.  However, when we shop for stuff, we usually think of name brand stores.  In second hand stores, you can find the most unique and expensive items for extremely cheap prices.  Sometimes stores don't even know what they are worth and treat them like junk.  You can also find couches, televisions, desks, bikes, and tons of things that people are going to throw away on Craigslist or freecycle.
  8. Learn how to sew.  Even the basics of sewing can save a lot of money.  Have a hole in your favorite shirt?  Well, you're screwed if you don't know how to sew.  Bought a non-returnable pair of jeans only to find out that it didn't have a zipper?  Well, good luck!  Bent over and your pants ripped?  If you don't know how to sew, I really hope you have a jacket to cover the hole.
  9. Get a library card.  People spend so much money a year just on entertainment.  I really don't understand.  At the library, there is usually free wi-fi, you can rent amazing films, and you can check out hundreds of books.  Why spend all that money when it can all be free?
  10. Be female.  Sorry guys, but there is one trick to being a bum that is just difficult for most men to pull off.  To be a good bum, you kind of have to be female.  Clubs and bars sometimes give out free drinks to women on certain days, you can bat your eyes  a hopeless male to get a free meal, and people tend to be a lot more sympathetic to a girl bum than to a guy bum.  Sorry!

Did you like my article?  If so, please feel free to donate to my Ramen Fund.


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